Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
