if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
