dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
