i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
