Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
