and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
