were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
