Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
