Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
