For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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