I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
