so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
