Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
