I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
