I have surprise drugs for everyone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
