Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
