Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
