i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
