I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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