how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
