She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
