hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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