you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
