not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
