is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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