can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
