Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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