I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
