i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
