Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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