Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
