In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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