WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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