After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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