I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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