With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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