spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
