i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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