Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
