we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm at about main and main street
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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