If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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