The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
