happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
