my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
