I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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