By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
