Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
