i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
