My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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