I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
