Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
