I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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