Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
