Plan B is the new Plan A
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
