dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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