my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
