My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Watching her eat just hurts me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
