i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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