Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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