I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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