This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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