We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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