I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm at about main and main street
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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