my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
