am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We don't watch enough power rangers
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
