I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
