it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
